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This isn't some precious little outfit from a boutique baby store where suburban moms drop $50 for something that'll be covered in organic pureed carrots within 15 minutes. This is the Sleep Deprivation Training Officer onesie - tactical infant apparel for the tiny terrorist who's more effective at breaking you down than any drill instructor you've ever encountered.
Crafted from battle-ready cotton that can withstand multiple wash cycles after midnight diaper breaches and 0300 feeding operations. The reinforced shoulder clasps allow for rapid target extraction during high-intensity situations without compromising the integrity of the garment or what remains of your sanity.
The bold "SLEEP DEPRIVATION TRAINING OFFICER" text across the back serves as both a warning to civilians and a knowing acknowledgment to fellow operators. When other parents see this in the grocery store, they'll give you that thousand-yard stare of recognition—the universal sign of those who've survived multiple night operations with no chance of reinforcements.
Perfect for the tiny recruit who somehow knows exactly when you've entered REM sleep and immediately initiates emergency protocols requiring your immediate attention. This onesie transforms your seemingly innocent offspring into what they truly are: the most effective training program you never volunteered for but can't escape.
And when some childless friend asks why you look like you've been through hell, just point to your little commander. They'll understand eventually - or they'll remain blissfully unaware of how a seven-pound human can dismantle the most hardened operator through sustained sleep deprivation tactics.
Because in this house, we acknowledge the truth: your baby isn't just cute—they're running the most effective conditioning program known to mankind.
.: 100% Combed ringspun cotton (fiber content may vary for different colors)
.: Light fabric (4.5 oz/yd² (153 g/m²))
.: Tear away label
Operator In Training: Clandestine Onsie
$30.00